Two Good Things

I always felt like we’re supposed to take care of our parents when they get older. It’s just a responsibility we have. And responsibilities can feel like burdens. But now I really understand what a blessing it is. 

For the last 4 years my siblings and I have begun taking care of our dad. He’s 71. Old but not old old. I won’t get too detailed with what, but he needs supervised medical care. That means we can’t have him at either of our homes which is a guilt I’ve wrestled with. Especially me living on the other side of the country. But he’s still got a strong mind. We know because he still complains about things he doesn’t like and gives us a rare smile or laugh at a joke that Blue makes. Initially we thought he just needed to recover but now I understand this is the beginning of the next phase. Don’t worry. He will be alive for quite some time, just some adjusted living. 

During one of our conversations this year he confessed that he didn’t imagine retiring like this. He thought he’d travel through France and the UK. He wanted to see if our last name Gaskell led anywhere. He’s also a huge Beatles fan. I felt destroyed. Ready to max out my credit cards to get him to Europe. But he physically can’t make the trip anymore and is the trip really for him or am I just satiating my guilt from hearing the story? I get it now, he’s not asking me to take him. He just wanted to share and for me to listen. And those moments are rarer now as he decides to speak less and less. I’m glad I asked questions and got to know him more. I heard stories about when he was a son, in his 20s, and just married. 

Now we have the honor of taking care of him in the last act. And that we do the right thing for him (which isn’t always clear). We didn’t get to discuss and plan with him before he got into this condition which I would recommend my friends have this convo with theirs if their parents are avoiding it.

I couldn’t do this alone and glad I have my siblings with me. It’s also brought the four of us closer together. I thought that was the silver lining. But that would mean taking care of our dad was the cloud. The better metaphor? I don’t know. Is there one for two good things?